Patrick's Rants


Design By Humans

12/27/2005

If I spike it, can I save it for myself?

Filed under: General,It's a dad thing — site admin @ 5:05 pm

I like egg nog. Now some people find it to be disgusting, but that’s not me. I like the flavor. I like to sip it slowly by the fire (except that I don’t have a fireplace) and feel the brandy warm from the inside while the fire heats from the outside. I like to even drink it “straight”, without brandy. Unfortunately so do my kids… at least enough of them that I’ve had a couple of glasses out of a gallon and a half. So I may have to start spiking it just so they don’t drink it (and if they get some of the spiked stuff maybe they’ll fall asleep and I can have the rest)

I don’t care who you are that’s funny right there

Filed under: On video,Reviews — site admin @ 5:00 pm

What’s funnier than a redneck comedian? Four. “Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again” brings the nutty knights of comedy from “Blue Collar Comedy Tour” back together in another round of side splitting laughter. Especially funny is Larry the Cable Guy.

“I used to live with a woman, ’til she found out I was there”
“There should be an application to wear a thong”

If you like funny – in the form that stand up comedians spew forth – then this is probably one for you.

12/24/2005

Year in review

Filed under: It's funny — site admin @ 1:13 pm

Blonde’s year in review:

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..”duh”…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

March – Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said
2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…..car swamped, because top
was down.

September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October – Hate M &M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per
pound and I weigh 108!!!

December – Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on
the phone!!!

What a year!!

12/23/2005

Changing company logos

Filed under: General,Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 7:46 am

Ever notice how companies have changed their logos and trademarks over the years? BK went from “Have it your way” to “wake up with the (creepy) king” and other assorted homo-erotic king-related commercials.
Qwest was running their “Spirit of Service” commercials where the service representative would say, “That’s our Spirit of Service (slight pause) in action.” I’m guessing it sounded too much like: “Spirit of Service inaction” and it’s now just “Spirit of Service”.
McDonald’s used to be… anyone remember? Now it’s, “I’m loving it.”
Amazingly, the last one happens to be just a company name: “Chase”. They didn’t really change any logos or catchphrases that I’m aware of, this is just what they do to their customers, chase them away. Chase not too long ago purchased Bank One, another stellar customer service example. I was never impressed with Bank One and the only reason I ever had anything to do with it was somehow I married into a family that used the bank.
I write additional not so glowing opinion about Chase in a recent post.

12/22/2005

The Easy Button

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 9:40 pm

Most of the “Easy Button” commercials for Staples are really stupid, but the most recent one is not bad – even pretty good. The scene starts in Santa’s workshop where the elves are trying to make a digital camera. They are sanding and polishing this block of wood. Of course they haven’t “actually gotten any pictures yet,” but they’re working on it. One of the elves is even sprinkling glitter over the top while she says, “mega pixels”. This is definately the best the Easy Button series (the others just suck)

Fur Free Christmas

Filed under: General — site admin @ 2:15 pm

This week Flagstaff was visited by the lovely ladies from this article. Now I don’t know what they were or weren’t wearing, but I have to ask, “are the leopard ladies going totally fur free for the holidays?” I don’t know, just the idea of shaved “kitties”. 😉

12/21/2005

Blame it on South Dakota

Filed under: General,Politics — site admin @ 8:25 am

PBS reran an episode of Frontline last night that first ran in Nov, 2004. It is an enlightening piece on the expansion of the credit card industry. All of the puzzle pieces fit logically together… that is at first. Logically, South Dakota made the wise choice back in 1980 to save their state by raising the usury rates. It made sense for South Dakota to do this. The economy was in the dumper and the rates that banks were allowed to charge were less than what it cost the bank to borrow the money they were lending. In order to not have the economy collapse completely, the banks had to be able to charge more of their borrowers than they paid to their lenders. This was spurred on by a little company called Citibank that was drowning in New York’s usury rate laws. Citibank was paying twice the rate that it was able to charge its customers. Logically, Citibank had to change or die; it could not afford to charge 9.9% and pay nearly 20%. So Citibank called South Dakota’s governer, encouraging the state legislature to change the usury cap (even helping to write the law) and moved their credit card division to South Dakota. It’s been downhill for consumers ever since. (more…)

12/19/2005

Man robs donut shop – cops fill him with holes

Filed under: It's funny — site admin @ 3:50 pm

I mean… rob a donut shop? How dumb do they get?
Duncan Donuts robber filled with holes

12/15/2005

Million Dollar Man

Filed under: General — site admin @ 9:50 am

Next time you stop in a real estate agent’s office take a quick look around the walls. You may see some impressive awards for “Million Dollar Producer” with the name of the agent you happen to be working with. Unfortunately that isn’t all it’s made out to be. A million dollars in sales… that means that the agent could have sold a single home for $1 million. The agent could have also only sold one home worth $500,000 if the office handles both the buyer and seller (called dual agency) and the office counts both sides of the sale. Typically though, the agent will have sold around four to six homes (based upon current averages listed at homegain.com)
Again, if the agent happens to represent both the buyer and the seller (which they love to do, by the way) then it’s only two or three sales. And at the rate that homes are appreciating the million dollar mark is easier and easier to hit. A million dollar producer in the 70’s would have had to sell somewhere around 60 homes1 and that would have been an impressive sales agent, today a million dollar producer makes barely more than a full time job at McDonald’s.2 (more…)

12/12/2005

Lack of perception

Filed under: Politics — site admin @ 10:34 am

I recently had an interesting conversion with a teacher in one of Flagstaff’s Public Schools. It all started with Prop 1001 I suppose. The teacher stated that she would no longer shop in Wal-Mart or any Wal-Mart brand such as Sam’s Club. She stated that it was due to Wal-Mart having spent so much money on the election that they outspent the supporters (and that was on the only reason that the law was overturned). She went on to tell me about how many Wal-Mart employees were without health insurance and had to be on the Federally funded state health care plan (AHCCS). This is where it starts to get fuzzy for me… here is an employee who earns all her money from the government as a teacher, whose health insurance premiums are paid (100%) by the government complaining that someone else gets government paid health care. This just stuns me. Wal-Mart is not the only company to charge their employees for health insurance premiums and there are lots of companies – big and small – that don’t provide any coverage at all. And their employees aren’t the only ones riding on the government dollar. I suppose that teachers are the only ones who should benefit from tax dollars.
1-
big-box-ordinance-or-the-anti-walmart-law
im-voting-no-on-100
that-was-close

« Previous PageNext Page »

Powered by WordPress
Comments, opinions and drivel © the poster. Satire protected under Fair Use. Opinion protected under First Amendment (see: Constitution of the United States)
Nothing on this site should be construed as tax, legal, or investment advice. If you need any of those things, seek out a professional whom you can pay for such advice. Posters cannot be held liable for your failure to perform your own due diligence.