Blonde jokes
Cleaning out my email, I discovered this little gem. Senseless and goofy, but I kinda needed it today.
AUTO REPAIR
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells
the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What’s
the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.”
She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”
—————————————-SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks
her very nicely if he could see her license. She
replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act
together. Just yesterday you take away my license and
then today you expect me to show it to you!”
————————–
RIVER WALK
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a
river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
“Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other
side?” The second blonde looks up the river then down
the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other
side.”
————————————-KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on
the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded
to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window,
turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!”
the blonde yelled back, “IT’S A SCARF!”
—————————————BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one
day. The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!”
The American said, “We were the first on the moon!”
The Blonde said, “So what? We’re going to be the
first on the sun!” The Russian and the American looked
at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land
on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!” said the
Russian. To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not
stupid, you know. We’re going at night!”
————————————IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was
her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on
Science &Nature. Her question was, “If you are in a
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”
She thought for a time and then asked, “Is it on or
off?”
————————————-FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final
examination that consists of yes/no type questions.
She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit
of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin
and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest
of the class is still sweating it out. During the last
few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on. “I finished
the exam in half an hour, but now I’m rechecking my
answers.”
————————————-ABDUCTION
There was a blonde woman who was having financial
troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand
a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little
boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I
have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain
brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park
tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde She pinned the
note inside the little boy’s jacket and told him to
go straight home. The next morning, she returned to
the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the
big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the
bag was the following note…. Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another!
—————————————————–FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his
attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house
and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then
slammed it
shut & stormed back in the house. A little later she
came out of her house again went to the mail box and
again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back
into the house she went. As the man was getting ready
to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to
the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed
harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked
her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied,
“There certainly is!” (are you ready? … this is a
beauty …) My stupid computer keeps saying,
“YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”
