Patrick's Rants


Asus Windows Tablet thingy

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 7:54 pm

If you believe the commercials disparaging the Chromebook that Microsoft has been running lately then the ASUS (one picked at random) totally beats a Chromebook because you can’t use the Chromebook without the internet and you can’t install Office on it either. So now Microsoft is trying to leverage Office to force people to continue using Windows? What a twist from back in the day when Microsoft illegally leveraged the monopoly of Windows to force Internet Explorer and Office. I’m no fan of the race to the cloud (which Microsoft is doing too, by the way) but looking at this description of the Chromebook:

“Chromebooks run Web-based apps, not traditional PC applications.
Chromebooks are designed to be connected to the Internet. You can create documents and spreadsheets or edit photos on a Chromebook using Google apps designed for these purposes. The Chrome operating system will not load and run traditional PC software like Microsoft Office and Adobe Photoshop. However, files created in these applications can be viewed and edited using Google apps on your Chromebook or cloud-based applications like Microsoft’s Office web apps.

However, files created in these applications can be viewed and edited using Google apps… or cloud-based applications like Microsoft’s Office web apps.

Yeah. So you “can’t install Office on it”? So what? And you can’t use it without an internet connection – WiFi. Not completely true, but when was the last time you tried to send an email without being connected to the internet?

Kind of a lame attempt Microsoft. It might ring true with some people, but not here. Don’t get me wrong, Google is becoming the Goliath, too. I don’t want my documents on Office365 or in Google Docs.


Touch Screen in Your Car

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,Goofy Commercials,Stupid Ideas — site admin @ 5:34 pm

Cadillac is adding a touch screen panel to your next car because, well because your phone doesn’t have any buttons anymore. It takes much longer to make a phone call with these new “smart” phones than it used to. And how many accidents are there going to be while you screw around trying to find the radio volume app on your car? Oh, they do have a disclaimer in really tiny print in the commercial about driving distracted. What’s more distracting than trying to figure out which screen you are on or trying to get to? Tactile buttons make the most sense when you think about it… so please car manufacturers, think about it.



Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 9:56 am

We’ve replaced a human dry cleaner counter worker with a machine (a blender) to see how people like it. What? How about, we replaced a traffic cop with a steam roller. Yeah, people wouldn’t like that either. You’re not even pretending that you picked the right machine for the job. We replaced a cashier with a self check stand is closer to what banks have done. And just like the self check stand, you can get human help.


Smart Phones Make You a Jerk

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 11:35 am

The recent cell phone commercials are attempting to use humor to make you think their phones and networks are better. The AT&T commercial has two guys stuck on ski lift, the one guy asks his buddy if he can ask his ex-girlfriend out. The ex replies, “sure, we’ve been broken up for six months, but she wouldn’t go out with you”.

And now to the guy asking his friend’s ex-girlfriend out, “bing, bing, bing” goes the the jerk’s phone. He has a running commentary, “she says she’s wanted me to ask her out for a year, oh look, she send a video.” Hmm. The girl is a jerk too. She and the ex have been broken up for six months and she’s wanted to go out with the jerk for over a year.

Mr ex asks to see the phone and flings it over hand into the snow. Excellent – revenge on the jerks.

Our next jerk example is the Windows phone using sky-diver. Let me reiterate my disdain for phones that try to do everything, the dumb-ass phone. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, two guys jump out of a plane. One tries to take a picture with his smart phone and has to fumble with the settings. The other, using a Windows phone 7 smart phone pushes a single button* to take a picture of his buddy during free fall which he can then smugly post to Facebook and then pull his rip cord. As his buddy, still in free fall, struggles to complete his snapshot of the earth, smart phone jerk yells after him, “open your shute, Dave. Hey is it all right if I date Emily after you…” (Dave’s parachute opens), “never mind.” Smart phone jerk is trying to date his buddy’s girlfriend while he thinks his buddy might slam into the earth at 180 mph.

*I can push a single button on my dumb phone and on every camera in the house to take a photo. As a matter of fact single button cameras are pretty old school, but this is supposed to convince us they are state of the art.


It’ Time for a Phone – To Save Us From Our Phones

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 6:32 am

Microsoft Phone 7. It’s supposed to save screen time. The commercials for it show people stuck texting or focused on the screen while life happens around them. So we’re to believe that a phone with more features is going to reduce the amount of time that we spend staring at the phone – maybe if Angry Birds isn’t available on the Windows Phone 7 OS. And really? From the company that brought the “Blue Screen of Death” to the masses we expect to stare at our phones less?

Well. I’ve got news for Microsoft. Those people who are addicted to phone screen time are still going to be staring at the screen. It’s a bit obsessive compulsive – it has nothing to do with the OS on the phone. If the OS were able to “save” people from their phones the nickname “crackberry” would never have caught on.


Have You Been Living Under a Rock?

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 5:57 pm

Are there really people who don’t know that lizards can save you 15% on car insurance? What? Do you live under a rock?

If you do, you don’t need car insurance and don’t give a crevasse.

What Does That Mean?

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 5:46 pm

There is a certain reptilian insurance salesman who is doing a call in show on insurance. A caller calls up to say that he saved a bunch of money using the web site in just over five minutes and wants to know if he set some kind of record for the amount of time it took him to “save” all that money. The host tells him that he missed the record by a few seconds. The caller replies, “but what if I just used one hand?”

Ewwwww…. what was he doing with his other hand? And an insurance web site? Really?


Windows 7 Was My Idea

Filed under: Goofy Commercials,Stupid Ideas — site admin @ 8:26 pm

The commercial introduces us to “Sophie” who wants a touch screen computer. She flies to Tokyo and states that Windows 7 is her idea. Really? The touch screen is over 30 years old according to James Walker on And guess what? The touch screen has been around longer that Microsoft. She didn’t need to fly to Japan or wherever, she could have just gone to Starbucks and seen that flat screens are in use.
Windows 7 was my idea, heh. Your “idea” has been around longer than you (“Sophie” looks to be in her 20s) and it’s more likely that IBM – the absolute king of retail touch screens – had its patent slide into the public domain.

As for the guy who says, a computer that doesn’t crash, that was my idea. Haha. Really. A computer that doesn’t crash? Anyone who has booted a Microsoft operating system has that idea. Windows 7 might be better, but it’s still a crap shoot. I have a Windows 2008 (based on Vista/Windows 7) server that has failed updates and I have to work around critical vulnerabilities. How about updates that don’t fail to install, no reboots required (oh yeah, you better believe they are still required), a company that doesn’t treat its paying customers like thieves and a secure by default operating system. That’s my idea. And it’s not Windows 7.


What if Delivery People Ran the World?

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 7:29 am

According to the commercial with push to talk Blackberry’s if a student was missing there would be an all out search for that student. In the search, they find a different kid that they apparently don’t know was missing. They eventually track him down and send him to detention.

Now, here’s the truth.

Schools don’t have the time to track students down. They aren’t “packages” don’t pretend that they are. There is no way to accurately “track” a human being. Give the kid a bar code that is scanned as they get on and off the bus? Some parents might think this is a good thing (and some days I agree with them) but the fact is the kids will lose whatever RFID encoded card they carry, purposefully leave it at home or school, parents will fight it and the ACLU would be drooling at the chance to strike down any “papers please” program.

The transportation people don’t want the school employees on their radio frequency. Really. School employees tend to act like what they want is the only thing that’s important while the transportation department has to juggle multiple field trips and the needy people from other schools. Really. Shut up and get off of my radio.

That and schools/teachers don’t care if the kid is missing from their class. I get an automated call from my kids’ school when they are marked absent. In the case of my high school kid it merely states, “your student was marked truant in one or more classes.” If the teacher follows a strict “ass in the seat when the bell rings” policy I have no way of knowing whether she was standing at the pencil sharpener at the wrong time in one class or hopped a Greyhound to Mexico and missed the entire day. Neither the school nor the teacher is going out of their way to find a missing kid when there is a classroom full of students who do want to learn.

So what if delivery people ran the world? They wouldn’t give a crap where the missing kid is either, that’s what.


A Large

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 7:17 am

Pizza Hut has an annoying commercial promoting large pizzas for $5.99. This dork is standing at the counter asking what he can get for $5.99.
I have two bills in my pocket a five and a one, what can I get The blond behind the counter answers that he can get a large pizza for $5.99. But that’s not true. He can get the hell away from the counter or an ass kicking, but not a pizza. I don’t know many places where that he can get that pizza without paying some form of sales tax except Oregon.

So the dork can get the hell out of everyone else’s way and stop saying A LARGE for $5.99 Yeah. Large can of whoop ass.

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