Patrick's Rants


Super Hero Chad

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 7:08 am

The latest Alltel commercial really stretches the limits. It opens on some group of super heroes all complaining that they can’t talk to each other to beat their arch enemy because they are all on different cell phone networks. The solution? Chad from Alltel. They can call anyone they want with the circle plan. The thing is if they all switch to the same provider they will get free in-network calls. Somehow we are supposed to believe that Chad’s plan is the best even though every provider has a similar plan.

So if you missed it the complaint is: we are all on different networks.
The solution: you should all be on the same network.
Well duh!


Yipee I Ay

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 8:19 am

Jack is riding the range with midgets/dwarves/little people to advertise his mini sirloin burgers. With some magic of the camera and computers Jack, of Jack In The Box, is herding miniature cows all the while singing about “cows the size of schnauzers” along with the helium pumped lungs of the little people. I think the politically correct line got moved just a little.

Creepy King Mix-a-Lot

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 8:14 am

I have to wonder how old the ad execs at Burger King are. The latest commercial with the Creepy King is made to look like a music video – Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back”. Creepy King is singing about liking square butts while his dance troupe shakes rear ends packed with cereal boxes. The scene cuts to Sponge Bob Square Pants, then back to Creepy who seems to sing, “Sponge Bob I wanna git wit ya'”; then he holds up a Sponge Bob kid’s meal. Do the ad execs not understand that this is homo-erotic? “I wanna git wit ya'” means Creepy wants to have sex with Spongy. Oh, and I think Sponge Bob is underage too. Is this the image that the creators of Square Pants want, to have the beloved character go into cartoon porn renamed Spooge Bob? Sheesh.


Life Without Walls

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 7:15 am

There is a joke that has been on the internet for quite a while. It goes something like this, “without walls and fences, who needs WindowsTM or Gates?” And now, Microsoft’s own advertising campaign is, “Life without walls.” That means we don’t need Windows.

Vista blog
More at Microsoft Watch

Fix Vista

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 6:53 am

The latest Mac commercial has “PC” sitting at a table with his accountant eye shade on. We hear him as he’s moving money from a smallish pile of money to two other piles,

“advertising, advertising, advertising. Fix Vista. Advertising, advertising, advertising. Fix Vista.”

The pile for advertising is huge while the pile to fix Vista is quite small. Mac asks him about the piles and PC tells him that he has to spend a lot of money on marketing Vista leaving little to fix the bugs that exist in Vista – which might make it a product that people actually would want to buy. PC looks at the stacks and begins to ask if the “fix” pile might not be enough to fix all the bugs in Vista and motions his hands as if moving the marketing money into the fix pile. PC looks at the piles and says, “you’re right” and moves all of the money to the marketing pile.


Claritin Clear

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 10:00 am

Inside and outside allergies are no match for Claritin as the man chiseling away on his sculpture tells us.

A sharp mind is more important that a sharp chisel


If I sneeze, this guy could lose his nose

What you don’t see when the guy is creating all kinds of dust and debris is a dust mask – you know, that could go a long way towards reducing the allergy problem buddy. At least he uses safety glasses when he’s using his power tools.


Holiday Jack Balls

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 7:39 am

Coworkers are car pooling to work. The driver has a Jack in The Box holiday ball stuck to his forehead on some kind of suction cup device. He explains that he doesn’t have an antenna so he has to do something else. As the commercial comes to an end the fine print states, “Don’t drive with antenna balls stuck to face.” Great – there goes my holiday spirit 🙂


We Don’t Need No Stinking Vista!

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,General,Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 9:13 am

Despite all of Microsoft’s ‘hard work’ to bring Vista to the masses, it is an utter failure. If they didn’t have that (illegally maintained) monopoly, they probably wouldn’t have sold a single copy of this dog of an operating system. Apple has several great commercials poking fun at the woolly mammoth of operating systems. The first, released around the time Vista first came out, talked about the new ‘security’ dialog boxes. Windows pops up numerous dialog boxes asking the user to “Allow or Deny” many different activities. Following that was the upgrade commercial with the PC getting ready for major surgery to be usable for Vista.

Now there are the spokesperson commercials.

PC: People have been choosing to downgrade to XP.
Spokesperson: By “downgrade”, we mean that users are choosing to “upgrade” to an older more familiar experience.

In another one, the PC is giving a speech

PC: My fellow Americans, if Vista doesn’t support your printer, I say buy a new printer!

and then as an aside he tells the ‘Mac’ that he downgraded to XP three weeks earlier.

At first, Microsoft attempted to force their users to upgrade to Vista but terminating sales and support of XP, but by June a glimmer of hope began to shine, as XP (slightly)easier to get. That doesn’t mean they weren’t still pushing Vista as hard as possible, they just quietly continued to offer XP. It has even been suggested that Microsoft should abandon Vista, if only to save itself.

Finally, due to heavy demand Microsoft is forced to keep offering XP.

Of course they were still fighting against offering a “better” alternative going head to head with a Dutch consumer group in that asked for free XP CDs. An interesting twist to Vista’s security – if it can be called interesting – is that new hardware deactivates Vista. Actually, it’s not just new hardware, but driver upgrades as well – keep the same hardware and it can still deactivate on you.

So Vista Sales are still lackluster, so much so that companies may just skip Vista.

And finally, another survey highlights business concern about migration

What can we draw from all of this? Microsoft needs to stop treating its customers like thieves, disabling the operating system because someone adds a printer.


Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 10:37 am

In a local twist to the Honda Mr. “O” commercials, Flagstaff Honda1 ends their commercials with the slogan, “Where you come first.”

Way to go Mr. “O”. 😉

  1. I would link to their web site, but it relies heavily on flash and has a funky layout that looks like crap on my screen.

Fave 5

Filed under: Goofy Commercials — site admin @ 9:11 am

T-Mobile has been running a number of decent commercials for their new Fave 5 plan.

One involves the big brother who walks up to table where his younger brother is sitting and he picks up the phone sitting in the middle of the table. He looks at it and laughs to his friends, “it’s all animals. A horse (horsey looking girl bites a carrot) a turtle (boy in a “shell” jacket tucks his head a little deeper) giraffe (all we see is a neck on screen) (and I’ve missed one here somewhere) a pig. (big brother looks around…) Which one’s the pig? Snort! Who’s the pig? Snort! Snort! (cut to little brother’s friends smirking and giggling)”

In the next one, dad walks into the living room where everyone has their cell phones sitting on the coffee table, and says, “with Fave 5 and all five of our phones we can call 26 people.”

His kids immediately correct him, “dad that’s only 25.”

“So sad,” he says looking at them. “Think about it, carry the nine.”

As he leaves the room mom says, “this is why you should stay in school.”

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