Patrick's Rants


Like a Scene From Office Space

Filed under: General,It's funny — site admin @ 8:56 am

A friend of mine works in the charitable industry; a private company that accepts government grants and private donations to help people. They have budgets and projections and targets just like any other business. And just like Peter Gibbons, he has around eight different bosses that point out all of his “mistakes”.

In the current economic climate he has had to cut back on employee hours, eliminate overtime, etc. Just like any business. Due to the fact that he has to meet certain targets for “production” he gets monthly updates on the budget for his site. He recently exceeded his sales goal – even in this downturn which has people holding onto their stuff and not donating household goods – and was given a modest bonus for the sales figure. He was then sent an email chastising him for exceeding his payroll for the month – by the amount of the bonus. As Peter Gibbons would say,

“when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That’s my only real motivation, is not to be hassled…”

Unlike Peter Gibbons, though, my friend works his tail off. And for that they should ignore the bonus when looking at exceeding payroll.


The Fix Is In

Filed under: Credit,It's funny,Money,Politics — site admin @ 6:14 pm

(Note: This post was going to be twice as long, but due to the wonder of the internet/computers – specifically a Squid upgrade on the NetBSD firewall – half of my thoughts were not saved, as I have time and remember, I will follow up on this post)

Nobody has asked me, but here are a couple of thoughts on fixing the housing mess.

First, lock the adjustable rates at 5%. Not for second homes or speculative properties – honest to goodness first homes. We can’t put in a provision that says you have to be behind and in danger of foreclosure, we know these loans are bad; we know that most people were suckered into the low rate that jacked up after a year or two. Lock the rate.

Second, if the government can spend all kinds of money on banks without strings it certainly can work with the home owners. Loans that are in danger where people were encouraged to buy above their means can be modified in the following way: subsidize those homeowners that are in trouble. $1000.00 a month for say a maximum of four years – that’s $4800.00 per household that is in trouble. Tack the $4800 onto the back end of the loan as a form of tax lien, collect no interest on it but get the payoff when the home is eventually sold. This way households that are worried about their next paycheck can get some relief even if their job is unsteady. And the same homeowners would need to attend some kind of credit counseling and budget management program so they don’t slide back into trouble once the helping hand is no longer extended.

$1000.00 month limit would mean that overpriced homes aren’t included and that households would still need to come up with some cash on a monthly basis. Obviously, the banks aren’t increasing lending so they should not be getting additional money unless those funds are directly assisting home owners.

I read something a couple of days ago that suggested that the mark-to-market rule be suspended for banks. Mark-to-market means that accounting adjustments must be constantly made based upon what a bank thinks they can sell their loans for. For instance, a $100,000.00 mortgage might only be worth $90,000.00 (to the bank) since that’s what they could get for selling it to the next bank. But a foreclosed home is only about half the original mortgage value. A $100,000.00 mortgage is only worth $50,000.00 and – if you follow the line of thinking of “strict” mark-to-market rules – every other home in that area becomes worth half of the original mortgage. That’s a huge paper loss.


Important Court Opinions

Filed under: It's funny,Politics — site admin @ 9:00 am

I’m certainly glad this judge was awake when he ordered this lawsuit dismissed.


Such a Rebel

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,It's funny — site admin @ 4:30 pm

Where my wife works management has decided that they want a single type face for all of their documents, Arial 12 pt. bold. She told me that she recently began bucking the “corporate line” and started mixing in Helvetica. I expect her to be called out it any moment now.


And Now For Something Completely Different

Filed under: It's funny — site admin @ 9:09 am

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a “Save the Whales” hat, and a “To Hell with Bush” T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear’s chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp, then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he told them. “I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democrat Environmental activists but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies “Who was that guy?”

“It was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.”

“Well,” the logger said, “he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn’t know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to California and get another one?”


Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,General,It's funny — site admin @ 4:12 pm

The Page Cannot Be Found


The Cardboard Office.

Filed under: Geek News and Stuff,It's funny — site admin @ 12:19 pm

I got this email that looked pretty funny. Someone had switched all of a co-worker’s office furniture with cardboard replicas. Deciding that it was cool enough to post here, I copied all of the images from my email, renamed them, and uploaded them to my site. I decided to see if someone else had done the same and found the origin. So, I don’t have the images here, but check out: – Jokes, Pranks and the home of the Cardboard Office.


Filed under: It's funny,Politics — site admin @ 8:42 am


Oregon Man Leaves Baby in Nevada Brothel Parking Lot

Filed under: General,It's funny — site admin @ 10:18 am

Last night the news had a story about a man who left his child unattended in his car for over two hours. He was arrested while at the Mustang Ranch brothel in Reno NV. On hearing that he had driven down from Bend, OR I checked to make sure that it wasn’t Jake. Jake is, of course, still banging away on his keyboard. 😉
Oregon Man Leaves Baby in Nevada Brothel Parking Lot – Salem-News.Com


More Spam Subjects

Filed under: It's funny — site admin @ 3:26 pm

I wonder if this will warrant a new category… this email is for term life insurance.

Subject: Cold hand of Death approaching?

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